


Sugar, Sugar

by SelenaTerna



Series: Time Petals Prompt Fics [11]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Irony, Prompt Fic, SOOOOOOO SILLY, Silly, and puns, giant ants, not sorry, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 09:55:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11377794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelenaTerna/pseuds/SelenaTerna
Summary: The Doctor and Rose accidentally land on the wrong planet and are imprisoned immediately. They need to pay a very unique fine to get out...





	Sugar, Sugar

**Author's Note:**

> Hi lovelies! This is my response for the Time Petals summer bingo prompt 'ants' on Tumblr. I honestly have no excuse for this. It's completely silly and I have no idea where it came from- just a light-hearted plotless little piece of nothing that came about as a stress release of sorts. Hope you enjoy anyway!
> 
> Link for the song is here, if you're after it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQiwqiPeLGk

“ _Ants_? You’re telling me we’re stuck on a planet run by _ants_?”

“Weeeeeell, strictly speaking ants have six legs and the Potfidiean is eight-legged with wings, more of a throw-back to the wasp-like predecessor of the earth variety _Formicidae_ rather than the _-”_

 _“_ Doctor.” Rose cut him off. “ _Are we or are we not trapped on a planet run by ants?”_

 _“_ Well, yeah, I s’pose we are _.”_ He tugged at his left ear, grinning sheepishly.

“Right, so much for bein’ able to land in New New New Caledonia with ‘one arm tied behind your back’.” She huffed. “Instead, we’re _here,_ locked up in jail by _giant ants_.” Rose folded her arms. “And where exactly _is_ here, anyway?”

“Er, well, about that…”

She narrowed her eyes. “What?”

The Doctor cleared his throat, slipping his hands in his suit pockets and looking anywhere but her. “I know you said absolutely _no_ more irony this week after our very long, dark, soul-searching tea with Douglas Adams, but you have to understand, Rose, that this planet is part of a series, and it was built during a particularly strange and rather sarcastic period in history, and…and landing here was an accident. Just remember that.”

“OK, now I _need_ to know.” She took a deep breath and looked the Doctor in the eye. “What’s the name of this giant, ant-run plant Doctor?” Her eyes grew wide. “Wait, it’s not some variation of ‘anthill’, is it?”

“Of course not!” The Doctor scoffed. “What on earth made you think it’d be a silly thing like that?”

Rose relaxed. “Alright then, it can’t be that bad. C’mon, Doctor, what’s it called?”

The Doctor cleared his throat. “Well, in the original German, it was called _Picknickdecke.”_

Rose blinked, suddenly having a bad feeling about this _._ “And what’s ‘at mean?”

The Doctor sighed and looked at the ground. “Er, well, in English, er, it’d translate roughly as _Picnic Blanket._ ”

"What?" Rose gaped at him. "Are you kiddin' me?"

"'Fraid not," he sighed.

“So you’re tellin’ me we’re literally stuck on a picnic blanket overrun with ants?” Rose demanded incredulously. 

“Yep.”

“I can’t _believe_ this!” She shook her head. “So how do we get out?”

“We have to pay a fine for not registering before landing here.”

“An’ what kind of payment do you give an ant?” She demanded. “Honeycomb? Sugar?”

The Doctor cringed. “Not…not exactly. They…they do like sugar, of sorts.”

“What d’you mean, ‘of sorts?’” She asked suspiciously, before her eyes widened in horror. “No! Oh no no no! You…you can’t mean….”

The Doctor nodded miserably, dragging this hands though his hair. “I’m sorry, Rose, it was the only way.” He cringed. “Here comes our payment now.”

Outside the cell, the strains of the Archies sounded throughout the room. 

“ _Sugar sugar….”_

_Fin_

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, feel free to send any comments or questions to me at countessselena.tumblr.com


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